I remember many years ago when a coworker of mine named Heather walked over to my desk with a funny smile on her face. Heather was one of the smartest people I knew, spoke multiple languages, and was definitely going places.
“What’s with the smirk,” I asked her.
“Hah,” she said. “I just got off the phone with my six-year-old niece Claire who was on the verge of tears. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was having a bad day and was just feeling overwhelmed! Isn’t that cute?”
I think my response was “Um.”
“I mean she is six! How can she be feeling overwhelmed?”
Now I have never claimed to be a child psychologist, but nonetheless I seemed to have more compassion for the kindergartner than her aunt did.
“Maybe somebody was mean to her on the playground. Maybe she dropped her lunch. Maybe her shoe hurts. Heather, I am pretty sure a bad day is in the eye of the beholder.”
I don’t remember how our conversation ended, but I do remember being a little taken aback by my coworker’s lack of empathy.
Flash forward to last week. I am at the gym at 5:30am, getting in my workout before starting my day. There was a teenage girl working with a personal trainer by the kettlebells; she appeared to be a volleyball player. The girl seemed so strong, poised, and dedicated. I was incredibly impressed that she was in the gym so early. I thought “Wow, what a kid. I bet she’s going places. The sky is the limit.”
I guess I was eavesdropping a little when I heard the trainer ask her, “So how’s school going?”
The girl let out what can only be described as half grunt-half yelp and burst out talking a mile a minute. “Ugh. Oh my gosh, I am just totally feeling overwhelmed. There is so much work, I have two essays due this week and an American History test I haven’t even started studying for. I don’t get out of practice until like 6pm every night. Games on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m supposed to get my driver’s license but who knows when that is going to happen because I have no time to practice driving. It’s like just another thing to worry about!”
How can things be so bad, I wondered.
To me the volleyball player had looked like a self-confident girl with the world at her feet. Apparently to her though, life was far more overwhelming. I flashed back to my friend Heather and realized I had made the same assumptions that morning about this girl that Heather had made years before about her niece.
As I was hopping into my car in the gym parking lot, I received a text from my wonderful friend, Kim. “Sorry, Blair. Going 2 have 2 postpone lunch today. Putting out fires at office. Eek. Talk 2 u later.”
I hate to admit it, but I thought my friend was probably being a little dramatic. But, oh well. I texted back, “No worries. Everything ok?”
Kim’s response? “Just feeling overwhelmed!”
Wow. Those three words just struck me. I realized very clearly that the universe was trying to teach me something that morning. I understood in that moment that how we see our own dynamic and how others perceive it can be two very different things. I sat in my car and took a few minutes for thought. Nobody knows what anyone else is going through, even those people who seem to have it all. Okay, wow, I get it.
I then rushed home to get ready for my 8am TAB Board meeting.
As a TAB business coach and facilitator, I have the privilege of regularly sitting at the board table with an amazing group of business owners, all of whom have a million balls in the air in their businesses, not to mention robust family lives. Not unlike little Claire or the overbooked volleyball player or my friend Kim, I am sure these business owners are often overwhelmed by the work it takes to run and grow their businesses.
But you would never know it.
As I sat in the boardroom that morning – more enlightened than I was just a few hours earlier – I quietly observed each TAB Member sitting at the table. I know some of these small business owners also had fires to put out, some had to skip their lunches, and others were strategizing how to find more time in their very busy days. They were all so engaged and involved and kinetic.
But regardless of what was going on behind the scenes, sitting at the board table that day were a group of smart, compassionate business owners who were joyful, eager, and ready to work on their businesses.
And I was in awe.
Blair Koch is the CEO of TAB Denver West, a TAB CEO Advisory Board Facilitator, and a Business Ownership Lifecycle Coach. Blair has spent most of her career helping small business owners achieve their personal and professional goals. She also hosts the Best Businesses in Denver podcast.
